Seward Highway Couloir: January 26

The Noodler has sworn me to secrecy as to the location of this ski run. Although I don't think it is really that secret of a trail, I shall honor his wish.

Just a few iphotos from The Noodler's solo mission to this 3,300' shot which hides in plain sight.

Nice work!!

Late January Update: Alaska

For better or worse the "reset button" has been depressed. Probably better at Hatcher where 20" of blower just fell on a semi-breakable crust. Probably for worse at Turnagain where there have 100+ mph gusts and 1.6 SWE has fallen today.

Last week Hubert motivated me down to Turnagain. 30" had come in Sunday-Monday and there were green light conditions. 4-day old snow stayed light and fluffy with below zero temps.

Driving up to the Pass

We climbed Magnum from the Sunburst lot and hit a South facing shot between PMS and Super Bowl. Effortless blower pow and face shots escorted us from the sunny ridge into the shadowy valley. We rallied back up just as the sun rounded the corner to illuminate the West Face of Magnum. Hubert was off and out of sight as the slope rolled over, but he came back into view as the pitch mellowed. I leaned into the slope staying near Hubert's tracks. At the roll-over it became obvious all that beautiful powder had sloughed off. Shit! Better point and hold on! It was over in a flash. I focused on enjoying the snow at a much more reasonable pace for the balance of the descent.

Saturday and Sunday were shaping up to be all time at Turnagain, but I had already committed to participating in the Inter-Agency Drill at Hatcher Pass. It was no secret that the snow would be ass and the temps would be low.

The Inter-Agency gathers a multitude of groups (SAR, State Parks, Ski Patrols, Avi Forecasters, K9 units, State Police) who would be responding in the event of a large scale avalanche disaster. The groups learn to work together. Skills are honed whether in the field or in managing resources.

My probing skills are much improved as is my digging, RECCO, magnetometer, and hollering. Day 1 scenarios typically included multiple burials with and without beacons.

Stayed at the Independence Mine Visitor Center Saturday Night

Day 2 was a larger scenario. Group B had 4 caught in an avalanche with no beacons, 3 buried. The unburied person was "injured" and was higher up in the rocks. Dogs were quick to narrow the search area as were visual clues. Spot probing around dog hits and RECCO hits found 2 victims quickly. The third required a probe line.

Epic Probing

Lowering the Injured Subject

It was a great weekend of practice and I was able to improve my skills in several areas. But these type of events tend to have much standing around. A for a person like me, standing around surrounded by couloirs, faces, and cirques on a blue bird day with good stability is too much. I was able to sign out at 2:30 and made a B-line for the lousy snow that I had been staring at for 2 days. Quality did not matter, the joy of being in the mountains was more than enough.

Away from the din of the snow machines, megaphones, helicopters, and blowhards of the drill. They all served their purpose nobly, but it was time for unstructured fun. I headed down to the snow-machiners' lot and climbed Little Marmot as quickly as I could and then sent it down the double punch crust in the sun.

The wrap-up meeting was about to begin at the A-Frame but the skins were already back on.

Heading Back Up

- U.K.

Tincan North

I busted out of work early on Friday intent on getting into something steep. The last few weeks have been tough and I haven't been motivated to get on anything interesting.

Hubert provided the necessary kick in the pants to get me out of that rut. This short line heads North off of Tincan Common and runs into lower Todd's. Even though it wasn't the rowdiest or longest line out there, it felt good to get back on that horse.

2 minutes of tentative turning

Hope everyone is doing well.

-U.K.

Gremmie & McK

This tri-coastal power couple has been skirting west just north of the USA in search of adventure, adrenaline, and deep powder skiing.

Gremmie at the Revelstoke Agressive Ski Ballet: first clip
McK's wonderful writing.
Gremmie's 6-month recap:

And finally some much needed prespective and good advice.

Have fun, stay safe, and I look forward to seeing you all out there.

-U.K.

Relative Humidity, Dew Point, Storms, and Avalanches

It's been cold up here. The past few mornings have been -15°F in my part of Anchorage. Other parts of town have hit -25°F this week. But that is much better than Fairbanks which was dealt a 39 below this morning. Fortunately, we are in an inversion which means "warmer temps" in the mountains. Ridge tops from Hatcher to Turnagain have been in 5-15 above range. Skiing conditions have been great and the cold blue sky has allowed the sun to light the way. CNFAIC forecast for the last few days has been "LOW" and many big lines have been going down.

Unfortunately, I've been shame spiraling pretty hard the last 2 weeks soloing to low angle powder and wooded terrain. Fortunately the fresh cold air and bright sunshine has been exactly what I needed: peaceful, serene, with plenty of time for reflection.

My thoughts drift to recent events and events long ago. I smile, I laugh, I tear up. But being an engineer, thoughts eventually turn to more practical matters like: "Why is cold air so dry even when the humidity is 90%?" Well, it turns out that "relative humidity" is a very poor indication of how much moisture is in the air.

Relative humidity is in most every weather observation, but it can be very confusing. Warm air can hold more moisture than cold air. Here is the maximum amount of water that air can hold at different temperatures:

• -4°F 0.9 g/m³ (100% relative humidity)
• 14°F 2.1 g/m³ (100% relative humidity)
• 32°F 4.8 g/m³ (100% relative humidity)
• 68°F 17.3 g/m³ (100% relative humidity)

Now, I'm not exactly sure what the Hell g/m³ means, but the warm air can hold more of 'em. This is why you want storms to come in at 32°F versus -4°F. 32° air can hold 5x more moisture which means higher snowfall. Snow at 0° in the forecast does not get me excited.

OK, we realize that "Relative Humidity" has its limits, but fear not, "Dew Point" will help. Dew Point is another number that is in most weather observations. When Dew Point equals the current temperature water will "come out" of the air in the form of rain, snow, frost, or dew.

Dew Point is a much better indicator of air moisture. Say Dew Point = 14°F. No matter what the temperature the air will contain 2.1 g/m³ of moisture. At 6PM the temp is 30°F, frost will not form until the temp = dew point (in this case 14°F).

Example:

• Right now in Anchorage it is -12°F with 73% relative humidity. You may think 73% would mean moist air, but since it is so cold, the air can hold very little moisture. The dew point is -18°F. So even though the RH is high, moisture in the air is very low. If for some reason the temp dropped to -18, then frost would start to form.

Now you may be wondering how this applies to avalanches. Frost = Surface Hoar. Surface Hoar is a familiar term to those who read the daily avalanche bulletin. A detailed description of the how's and why's is given here. I'll try to give you the quick and dirty version.

Surface hoar forms on cold, clear nights on top of the snow. And now you can predict on which nights it is likely to form based on overnight lows and the dew point. Good job!

Hoar frost is not dangerous by itself and is fun to ski, but it becomes very dangerous when snow falls on top of it. Buried hoar frost is no joke and may take until April to heal. This may be the case in Utah this year (along with a multitude of other problems).

So when you are out enjoying those low avalanche blue bird days in the back country, take note of the surface hoar that exists on top of the snow. Stop on the skinner and scoop up some surface snow and look for the signs. Listen as you ski, surface hoar makes a unique "shattering" sound as you float effortless turns through the "potato chips."

Remember surface hoar on the surface is not a big deal, but once it gets buried then it will be an issue. If you know that there is buried surface hoar (from pre-storm tours, avi bulletins, friends that were out yesterday) it is your job is to find it and interrogate it. When you dig a pit, target that buried surface hoar. Again here is the link for more detailed info.

Have fun. Sorry for the "geeked out" rant. I promise photos next time!

-U.K.

Central Utah: March 11-12, 2005

February had the super pow in the Cottonwoods but then the big blue H decided to settle in. We occupied ourselves hitting some 3-star lines from the Wasatch Primer, but after 2 weeks of sun, a change of scenery was in order.

The PA Prince and bin Lawton were always up for adventure so we loaded up the Jeep with Tushar and Henry Mountains dreams. The ride went quick and before long we arrived at the lodge of the former ski area under blue skies and good coverage.

There wasn't much of an agenda or expectations. This was my 2nd trip to the Tushars, but it was all new to Adam and the PA Prince. The Tushars are easy to love: good snow, 10,000' trailhead, no people. It's no wonder Adam brought people back year after year to the point where this has become the Boyz adopted range.

The snow was excellent corn with excellent views and excellent company. Who knows what we talked about but I remember much laughter and of course a never ending parade of offensive comments. We were able to top out on Mountain Holly and Mountain Great White Whale and let 'em run through the perfectly set-up corn. Hooting and hollering. Smiles all around.

After skiing, we headed down into Beaver to Cindy's Pizza for some of the worst pizza we had ever had. Over the years Adam would return to the Tushars many times and on every trip he would call me to ask if I wanted him to pick me up some Cindy's and then break into his trademark laugh.

After Cindy's, it was on to the Renegade Lounge to wash that awful taste out of our mouth. Apparently we weren't renegade enough or maybe too renegade because everyone at Renegade just stared at us, bar-tender included. No words, just emotions. After about 20 minutes of extreme awkwardness, we decided to retreat. For some reason Adam found this hilarious.

Next up: Torrey, Utah. The Prince recounted his summer here and showed us the sites. He also told us the story of "Little Jerry Seinfeld." Adam and I never had laughed so hard. Ask the Prince. It lives up to this hype.

The PA Prince knew where they hid the state liquor store in this town. And it had refrigerated real beer! In Utah! Cold! In a fridge! In Utah! Cold! Amazing! We brought the rare frosty beers to a small red rock area called Lion's Something-or-other. Scrambling through this maze was a bit difficult because no one was putting their drinks down. We found an overlook and just BS'd for a while taking in an amazing desert sunset.

Do Not Put Down that Beer

The next day we headed to the Henry Mountains but there was too much snow to get close. Rather than admit defeat, Adam grabbed the map. We'd go hit up some slots in the Swell. He knew a place so off we went. Making something over nothing.

The slots were amazing but the highlight of the day was trundling rocks and laughing like a bunch of idiots. Example 1. Example 2. It's the little things.

The Prince did not feel as if he was getting a good enough workout, so he grabbed a log for extra hiking weight. This brought Adam and I unlimited amusement. Eventually thoughts turned to desert whiskey, girls, and Napoleon Dynamite. Adam had been fixated on the Shoshone arrowhead line for a least a week, so when he found an actual arrowhead he knew it must be a sign. We had to go back to Alta to woo the new Alf's girls. There was to be a big party that night and with the power of the arrowhead Adam was convinced of imminent success.

And of course it worked.

Adam lived life to the fullest. He saw obstacles are junctions not barriers. Can't go this way, OK, let's go that way. And we're going to enjoy the hell out of it. There was no time to look back when you were with Adam. On to the next adventure. The next experience. The next mountain, river, wall, trail. No time for regret. It was never an option, ever.

-U.K.

Mr. Lawton

For all the people that have ever known him, skied with him, drank with him, laughed with him, for those that have learned from him and been inspired by him I offer this:

You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body. Adams body was a container for him and his spirit. His spirit, all his best traits all his best qualities, have inspired so many to be as positive, level-headed, intelligent, and loyal as he has always been. In this way he lives on in the little pieces of him that we each have absorbed, in the ways that we try to be like him, in the love we have for him and memories we have of times spent with him.

Adam we love you and miss you.

~TM

A.M.L.

Comments welcome

Eddies: December 31, 2011

Won't you step into the freezer

Tease her with a tweezer

It's gonna be cold, cold, cold, cold, cold

- Winston Churchill

When Churchill spoke these words on the snowy fields of Gettysburg during the closing moments of the Franco-Russo War, he could have easily been talking about Alaska in December. December started stormy but finished clear and true to Churchill's prediction: cold. But what that Canadian bastard didn't predict was A+ surface conditions on a bomber snowpack.

Eddies is one of The Ridges of Turnagain County. The pull-off is most easily identified by an excess Honda Elements. For the final tour of the year Hubert had some South facing shots in mind. Temperatures were below zero so we had to keep moving to maintain warmth. At the top I got out the bungees and particle board to document the experience.

The sun peeked out from behind Kickstep to bathe the top half of the slope in a soft orange glow. The snow was sparkling and left cold smoke contrails with every turn. But it wasn't long before we descended into the cold shadows. After a quick transition, Hubert set the skinner back to the ridge. We followed the ridge SE to get a shot that we had sussed from below.

We were 500' higher and the sun was at it's pitiful apex for the day, but it was plenty to light the way for the best turns of the season. Effortless, bottomless, good vis, super-hero, cold, blower pow for an uninterrupted 1,800'. Despite the glory of the second run, the team was cold, cold, cold. We hustled up the skinner back to the ridge and skied some high quality low angle love back towards the road. The frozen Subaru grumbled to life. Unlike Winston's doomed Na'vi army of winged monkey's, we would not succumb to the icy mountain frost.

If was the perfect final run for an incredible year in the mountains. Here's to an even better 2012!

click for video of run #2

- U.K.

Brand New Day

Happy new years boyz!

Even though most of the boyz probably celebrated the new year in true pagan style in their hearts and skier souls back on the solstice, I'm sure a few of us managed to humor our friends and neighbors by enjoying some libations and staying up to see the clock tick.

The Lizard and I decided to ring in this new beginning to the Gregorian Calendar with a trip to the Wasatch's 5th tallest peak, the Pfeifferhorn. With conditions as they are and our intentions being mainly a trip to enjoy the view and assess the snow pack or lack there of, we decided against bringing a rope or anything that might encourage us to get all gnar.

Lizard getting Gnar

With a true Wasatch start we left the trail head at 9:45 and enjoyed a leisurely slog to the Red Pine lakes. A break for tea and snacks, and another couple of hours and we arrived at the southeast ridge. With the variable conditions of sun-wind-and-rain encrusted snow, as well as an unusual amount of rock showing for this time of year, we decided to leave our skis at the beginning of the ridge and forgo the summit shred. Upon summiting we agreed we probably could have done some side-slipping and survival skiing to nab what might have been the season's first ski decent via the SW face.

The views from the summit were beautiful as always. The normally inversion-clouded valley of SLC lay at our feet where we could just make out the collective groan of "national hangover day". Both the NE and NW couloirs were looking a little thin, although the NW was holding snow farther down that could probably be reached with one rap.

Gonna need a rope this year...

Some good turns were had descending back to Red Pine Lakes, all in all a great day. Breaking out of the repetitive "this season sucks" - "we need more snow" mantra felt great, just being in the alpine was rejuvenating. Climbing (and skiing) on ice has been good, but despite popular belief we do have some snow to slide around on. WTF, throw caution to the wind, go for it. I for one am tired of blowing on a cat's ass and hoping for snow. Besides, soon enough we'll be too puckered to get out on top of this snow pack.

Lack of snow has us contemplating some dangerous things....

So enjoy it boyz! We here up at 9240' are being patient and sharpening our beater slalom skills. The new crop of kids at Alf's, or as I like to think of it, the Skier Boyz factory, is chomping at the bit to shred. Keep praying, but in the meantime send it.

Shred

Cheers!

Burleighman

Get out of that Inversion/Smog

If you've ever spent a winter in the Greater Salt Lake area you will know what I'm talking about.

But those of you that are new and feel a bit grossed out and are thinking about moving here's something to think about.

From our home around the Wasatch and 3500 S. area it looks like a cloudy day.

With these low clouds and moisture in the air we have been getting rime snow.
You can see here in these photos that there is some snow falling at our house.

I would normally think it's been snowing in the mountains.

The first tip I have is to get on your computer and take a look at the web cams of your favorite mountains.

http://www.snowbird.com/ski_board/mtncams_new.html

http://alta.com/pages/camdetail.php#camtop

If your taking a look today 12/29/11

you will see it's been getting ready to snow for real and its not blue bird like it's been for the past few weeks.

The visibility in the city is about a mile and makes me feel a bit sick. As we start our drive up Wasatch it still looks like it's going to be socked in up there.

Oh whats this? A blue spot and the clouds getting thinner.

As we made our way up the canyon the clouds break and the sun is fully

shining it's love down on us. An over whelming feel of joy comes over me.

I quick lap on the Peruvian chair to get space and fresh air out of the tram.

You can really see the Inversion as you get further up.

Beautiful blue sky's. The attitude of people up here is positive.

Is I talk with friend in line, on lifts, and out on the hill the grim amount of snow

doesn't matter. Everyone says "I'm just glad to be out of that Inversion."

As I look down off Hidden Peak I feel sorry for all of poor people stuck down canyon and am so thank full for the life I'm able to live.

Even if you don't ski or ride there's a bus that for few bucks will bring you up and down canyon.

You can take a seat on the Tram deck and have lunch and a beer.

For the real brave stop by your local D.I. and get a ski set up and ski free after 3:00 pm on the Sunny Side lift at Alta.

Get some fresh air and some Vitamin D.

Come on up and watch the sun set for a change.

It will be good for you.

Thanks to Snowbird, Alta, and mother Earth for making this possible.
http://www.snowbird.com/ http://www.alta.com/

Peace, Crossman.

Merry Christmas

All I want for Christmas is my 2 feet deep.

Santa delivers at Arctic Valley

Superstition

Skiers are not a logical bunch when it comes to snow. We will engage in seemingly ridiculous behavior in a vain attempt to alter the jet stream, but you can't argue with results. Illogical rituals that seem destined for failure have been proven true year after year. We can't explain why but this bag of tricks has merit.

• How does drinking to excess bring about a low pressure?
• How does burning your trash (unusable skis) bring storms?
• Why do prayer candles work for powder but are useless for Africa?
• Just who the hell is this ULLR character?

The answer: Don't know, don't care.

Ah, Ye Olde Norse God of snowlerblades and bow hunting. Does this warrior / hunter control high alpine weather? Does he favor the deep? His reverse camber skis say yes although he is a bit aggressive on his forward mount.

The Noodler claims not to be superstitious, but before every run he has to taste the snow for good luck. And on not so rare occasions he will recite the "Eddie's Prayer" before dropping in.

Oh infant Jesus, I cry and beg that in the name of your most

blessed mother you help me in skiing Eddie's.

I firmly believe that with your divine help I can attain my desire.
Powerful infant grant me the grace of eternity with Eddie's

and the Fruit Chute and all the runs on The Backside.
Amen.

Back in October I got my toenails did to rile the mighty Pacific Ocean. And it snowed and snowed and snowed. Emboldened by my dominance over nature, I went for round 2 in early December. The snow has continued. Have my actions influenced weather patterns? It can't be proven, but I guarantee I will have glittery toes until May.



In extreme cases of low snow and high pressure and split streams and cloud storms your only option is the exorcism. In this case you need to find the person who has been possessed by the snow demon. This person will be unaware that they have been possessed, but it your job to find this person and convince them of their affliction.

ID'ing the subject is not difficult if you know the signs. This person will have suffered poor snow years for multiple seasons in multiple mountain areas. Back in 2001, Young Nelson fit this profile: poor snow years in Alta, Jackson, and New Zealand. The Big Blue H followed him around the globe in an obvious reference to the Ancient Mariner's albatross. Season upon season of strife and '01-'02 was looking rough. You could still bike to 9,500' at Alta on Thanksgiving Day. We explained the situation to Young Nelson and he agreed that action was necessary.

Dozens gathered for the ceremony which could have been mistaken for a ski-bum house party. But there was a sinister motive lurking beneath. All in attendance knew the goal and in the absence of sacred texts detailing the ritual; we were forced to improvise. Surely the demon must abhor alcohol. So Young Nelson was forced to drink. The demon took over tried to weasel his way out of the situation. Young Nelson made for the window, but the strong hands of desperate skiers wrested him back in. The epic struggle had reached a tipping point and the demon succumbed to the inevitable. The booze flowed deep into Young Nelson's gullet and the demon wanted out. They stumbled out the front door into suburban Mormon nightmare and the demon fled from Young Nelson's poisoned belly and was deposited unceremoniously onto our lawn into a puddle of alcohol and bile.

Within moments, the first flakes of the 100" storm began to fall. The demon was vanquished. The season was saved.

Pagans and Christians unite! Exorcise the demons! Sacrifice the skis to into raging pyre that will nip at the asses of the Nordic gods! Drink it deep! Prayer to the infant Jesus! Eat the snow! Paint the talons of savage nomads who wonder the Earth in the search of snow! Take action! Do not sit idly by and wait for science to save you! The future rests in your hands! I call to you, brothers and sisters, take arms and we shall all rejoice in the glory that we have surely earned!

- Father Merrin

Mid-December Update: Alaska

Storm has been the word of the month for better or for worse. But big wind has accompanied the snow setting up for a sensitive snowpack. The snow has been locked into a cycle of self-loathing:

1. Snow pack gets feelings hurt
2. Snow pack starts to get over the insult
3. Snow pack gets feelings hurt again

This pattern has made for a bi-polar snowpack. Unfortunately, the snow has been most sensitive on Saturdays and Sundays. Not good for this ex-Sugarhouser, weekend warrior. So the dilemma has been whether to ski or wait another week.

I have expanded my horizon to other outdoor activities. Such as Avi Education

Level 3 Prep Class at Turnagain Pass

Mens Paired Lift Serviced Ski Ballet with GB6K

And the infrequent nordic ski. On rare occasions, I have been known to succumb to the more popular activities that dominate Alaska this time of year: alcohol, sleep, and the arts. Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

I checked the weekend forecast on Friday and it looked daunting again. It predicted (correctly) that we would have a third consecutive Sunday with 100+mph wind in the mountains. But it looked like there would be a nice weather window at Hatcher on Saturday morning.

There was 8-10" of fresh low density snow a the upper lot. We elected to head up Skyscraper Peak to ski El Dorado Bowl. P9 led the charge and picked a nice route into the lower bowl. A quick test pit revealed 103" base and the new low density snow was quite reactive (CT3).

Looking Back Towards the Chugach from the Talkeetnas

We eventually gained the ridge and topped out on the summit. Winds had picked loading the top of the bowl. Visibility was getting poor.

P9 Sussing an Entrance

The 4 of us skied a nice 900' shot back into the lower bowl under flat light. A squall had kicked up when we started up for run 2. We were nervous about retracing our skinner so we aimed to gain the ridge much lower by traversing a couple 100 feet below our original route.

This seemingly conservative decision was actually our biggest mistake of the day. In hindsight, we had effectively isolated the slope above us. The original skinner ski cut the top and the right hand side of the slope. The second skinner cut the bottom. The low density surface layer that we had previously ID's let loose swiftly and silently. P9 (75' ahead of me) got carried down slope and I put eyes on. Then the slide got me too. I struggled and swam and came to stop and then got hit by a second wave. Both waves were relatively minor (as far as slides go). P9 and I ended up on top of the snow. The loose snow avalanche had carried us about 100'. , Fe2O3 held his ground on the skinner. Our poles were gone and we were ready to get out of there.

There is a lesson to be learned from every incident (SAR, avalanche, drowning, car wreck). Those who dismiss the the participants as idiots will miss the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Even if the participants were idiots, there is still a takeaway.

So you can shake your head, make the predictable Darwin comment, and shit talk me if you want, but I'd rather you draw from this experience.

• We correctly ID'd the potential threat (good)
• Our 2 skin tracks isolated the slope above us (bad)
• Managing a 10" slough while skiing downhill is one thing: you have momentum that can be used to move to a safe zone, traverse out, or point it.
• Standing still with a loose heal and skins leaves you powerless to react

We were aware of the terrain and consequences. If there were more snow, a hard slab, more complicated terrain, then our decision making process would have been different. Still, I didn't expect to be caught and was surprised by how helpless I was in uphill mode.

- Idiot

Goat Rodeo at the Pass

The blizzard was supposed to hit Saturday afternoon, but the storm was late. The Sunday AM inter-tubes weather station check had confirmed this. The stars were out in Anchorage and only 0.1" SWE had accumulated overnight at Turnagain Pass.

Sunday had been penciled in as "Glacier Training" for an April trip. We had planned to get on actual glaciers, but the visibility was not great and the wind was kicking up. We opted to practice at our fall-back location: Center Ridge. At the parking lot there was 2" of fresh and it was snowing at 0.5"/hour (S2-ing for you nerds). We roped up and marched into the low angle trees.

At 1,600', I sussed out an exposed ridge and the winds were howling. Going higher would not be prudent. We retreated a few 100 vert to a nice roll-over to practice haul systems. Even this sheltered location was catching some gusts. And it was snowing. Hard. 2,000' above us the wind was gusting up to 121 mph. Exhausted and wet, we returned to the cars after 4 hours of training. Our feelings of victory were short lived, as it became obvious that our rides were snowed in and we were 150 yards from the plowed highway. The shit show was underway.

Hubris convinced us that we could rally out to the road no problem. This was not to be. After nearly crashing the cars into each other and getting them high-centered; it was time to reassess. Fortunately we had 6 shovels and 6 motivated, thirsty shovelers. After about an hour we had the vehicles pointed towards the road and a launching pad shoveled out. Rusty accelerated down the ramp and momentum allowed him to surf out to the road. Heather followed in his wake and we were ready for a beer, but first we had to free a stuck traveler that had augured his Hyundai into a snow bank.

The wind was howling and snow was still coming in thick. The highway is divided at this point and visibility was so low that confused motorists were driving on the wrong side. After 10 minutes of Hyundai work, there were 3 more cars stuck: 2 traveling in the wrong direction and one in the middle. Junk show. No one in these four stuck vehicles had a shovel or boots, and Team Hyundai was in shorts. And the weather was not going to let up.

No one wants "Donner Party 2: AK Edition" on their conscience. I could envision the shadowy interview with voice disguise technology on the TLC or NatGeo.

Interviewer: "So you left them to die?"
U.K.: sounding like Ned from South Park "Yep"

Amusing as that sounds, it really was not an option, so we dug. We pushed and we dug some more. In front, underneath, next to, and behind. More motorist got stuck. Motorist number 2 got out and borrowed a shovel. Finally some help. But this doooooosh, tried to blend in and kept pointing as his own car and saying, "We should probably get those guys out first." Nice....

We did finally get the dooosh and his family unstuck and on the correct side of the highway based on their direction of travel. But then they stopped and the back door opened and a barefoot 8-year boy got out and proceeded to take a piss in the middle of the highway. As they drove off the lil' bastard starting snapping cell phone pics of us as we continued to shovel.

We freed a Neon and sent them on their way South. Heather yelled, "You're never gonna make it!!" as they fish-tailed down the highway towards more mountains and higher passes. Team Hyundai was the last to be set free and they required the use of Rusty's moose-blood stained tow strap. They yelled thanks out the window as they tried to maintain momentum.

Time for some beer, but as a final insult another 2-wheel drive, bald-ass tired POS, mother-f'ing shitbox augured in. We had already shoveled this stretch of highway down to pavement and were operating with the efficiency of a NASCAR pit crew; so we freed them quickly and headed for Gird.

Conditions did not improve as we descended but with gravity on our side traffic moved slowly and surely. Those travelling up towards the pass were not fairing as well. Especially since a tractor trailer abandoned his load in the middle of the only south bound lane.

We finally made to Girdwood to quench the thirst that had been rapidly building. It was definitely a mess, but I was glad we went. And so was the inept, ill-equipped, road-whizzing, 2-wheel driving, shorts wearing, bald tire spinning slice of humanity that we met along the way.

- U.K.

Moon Beam

Abstract thoughts, ideas, theories, or even the opposite sex fascinate me. Subjects lacking concrete explanation, allowing the armchair philosopher to ponder a myriad of possible truths is my forte. Aliens, government corruption, snow science, you name it, there's always an open topic discussion here on Skier Boyz tours.
Early this morning, my alarm clock rang at 3:30am MST. After a light breakfast and a cup of poet strength coffee, my man cave was vacant. While driving up LCC, thoughts of encountering a plethora other lunar gazing ski walkers entrapped my imagination. Dreams of finding beautiful stoked people (lie....scratch people, insert women) at the trail head faded away as I pulled up next to Flufhed's car. After a futile attempt howling at the moon to awake that wook or find company, I began the walk alone.
From lot, my internal compass pointed me towards Devils Castle and Point Supreme. At the beginning of the ski walk, the full moon illuminated the surface hoar, which sparkled and danced to my passing. While ascending the summer road, I looked over my shoulder and saw a gigantic shooting star and knew it was on!!! Soon there after, the earth began eclipsing the moon. The sun, earth, and moon are about to align!!! My shadow and the surface hoar sparkle show slowly dimmed and the vibe darkened. At the nose of the earths shadow on the moon there was a turquoise glow. After about an hour or so the full moon became totally engulfed in the Earths shadow, casting a reddish hue, while hovering above Cardiac Ridge and Mountain Superior. Soon there after, old reliable popped out of the east shooting photons on the Mighty Wasatch Mountain Range.
Thank you Mother Nature for the show and bringing brief moments of cosmic consciousness. ~Awooooo

River Season Redux

"There is great vigour in the waters that come down from the snows of the Misty Mountains"

-Gandalf

As the snowpack flowed forth from the various mountain ranges of the West, the Skier Boyz hung up their puffys and touring flannels as they descended into the towering canyons of the intermountain west's legendary river corridors. In their second season attempting to diversify their portfolios, the Boyz took a more or less educated stab at the activity commonly known as "river running", though perhaps it looked a bit more like drinking case after case of beer in the hot sun while sitting on boats of varying type, and most certainly, quality. As usual, a prestigious and oh-so-generous local Academy provided ample resources in this endeavor and we are, of course, eternally grateful. The Boyz were spread far and wide across these adventures this year, with some familiar faces making noteworthy, but brief appearances, and others quite deep in the mix. However, a number of new faces, many of them elegantly bearded or scantily clad, appeared amongst the crew this season. Some say they come from a mountainless and desolate place far to the East called Missery. Others suspect they are a rival ski gang attempting to infiltrate the mighty SB. Still others believe they have emerged from the seedy, ironic world of hipsterdom, and have forged a strange and unholy alliance with members of this beloved, and similarly elitist, ski organization......So goes the endlessly circulating rumor and increasingly mysterious lore of Skier Boyz.

Some exceptionally descriptive and accurate portrayals of these gentlemen appear below....

GJBT, aka "the Barnacle"

aka

"Gee-Jay is the Name, Crystalz is the Game, Boi"

Laser, aka "Junior",

aka "Geico Caveman"

aka "Bronze River God"

Bobby, aka "Drunk Bobby" aka

aka "Fuck You, and Your Organic Brautwurst"

Brett, aka"Rossetta Stone", aka "Bip" aka "Who is That Fucking Hipster?"

Some long overdue highlights from an amazing summer on the water....once again i must thank the Academy for making this all possible. Enjoy!

The Owyhee

Highlights:

Explaining punk rock to Paco, an amazing firelight rant from Drunk Bobby, Tilt malt liquor and burnt panckakes for breakfast, Laser's Big Top Wind Circus, an ill-fated mushroom hunt, and the debut of the Academy River Trailer.

Mascot:

Bobby's Duff Beer Hat

note bobby double-fisting his approxamately 13th and 14th beers

Lil' cutie pie just couldn't go the distance

forward recon mission of the Chancellor

Safe Sandy representz

Squintin' at them there rapids

Boats of varying size and quality

old prospector cabin at our campsite

The Colorado and Dolores

Highlights:

Some dear friends from Missouri, the Inescapable Eddy from Hell, The last voyage of Bip's veggie truck, an entire river rig loaded into the back of a Mazda hatchback, and an incredible shuttle through the La Sals back into CO (thanks to the Chancellor and the Academy)

Mascot:

Larry the Lobster

Cheers!

For those about to rock....

Heater gettin' biz on the oars

The Green A, Jones Hole Creek, and Fish N' Bikes

Highlights:

Ryan Van Buren, witnessing the explosive power of a full scale dam release at Flaming Gorge, Sonic Chili Fries, a Brittany Spears themed river log, slaying trout after trout after beautiful trout, Crane Fly Larva, closing down the Wells Club with Dody, playing dice in the hallway of Second Nature Uinta's headquarters, a taco'd bike wheel, squatting houses while we drink beer and wait for the rain to stop, and, most importantly, the introduction of Bud Light Lime.

Mascot;

"The MVP" (gee jay's mini-cooler)

flaming gorge dam at full throttle

Brittany Spears campsite

FISH ON!

Beautiful Jones Hole Brown+ Handsome Angler

The Hole

The MVP dont care, MVP doesn't give a shit!

La Nina left us too much snow, all the fishing water in the Uintas was blown out. Might as well take some pictures with our useless rods anyway right?

A love affair is born

The San-diest of Juans

Highlights:

An Unexpected Party, down and out in Mexican Hat, A dead body in the river, Deon's canoe, the Heady Shroud, the return of the Darkhorse (and subsequently a budding romance), a cowboy swingin' steaks, and the Rise of Bud Light Lime!

Mascot:

BLL!

The Barnacle in all his Glory!

Aye Aye Daddy Cat!

Captain Murtaugh

Highlights:

a long awaited visit from two champion bike tourers, a shaggy muppet name Geoff Demitz, Marcus Cline telling us the scariest waterfall iv'e ever seen in my life is Class 3, WATCHING A GOLDEN EAGLE TAKE OUT A GREBE IN FLIGHT!, and Alisha Waller sticking her arm elbow deep down the throat of said avian casualty.

Mascot:

it's a tie between the Grebe and Geoff

Sandbagger!

Dylan, determined to beat everyone in how much time his paddle spends in the water

El Beardo!

Get it Sheesh!

Till next season....

-Rossetta Stone